No, I’m not back, just cleaning my desktop:
{ 7 comments }
Oh science, why do you do these things?
Rose sent me a link about mad cow disease being spread through the air, and I read the whole article and agree 100%. Just like a football can be spread through the air by throwing it, one can take bits of infected cow brain, throw them around like confetti, and if they fall in your mouth, you die.
That’s pretty much what the researchers did, which adds mad cow disease to a special class of “can be made airborne and kill you” items that previously was reserved for cutlery. And anvils.
Somehow, this research, and you know there’s a grant application lurking in there somewhere, but this research attempts to solve the riddle of how vegetarians died from the human form of mad cow disease, which should be impossible since eating cow is by definition not vegetarian. The new theory, which rivals the craziest JFK nonsense I can dream up, is that some rogue agent ground up some sick cow and gave it to a dude known for doing spit takes in the cafeteria.
The researchers do point out that this scenario pretty much never happens, and we shouldn’t shun sick humans because they’re not actually capable of exhaling bits of their own brains, so they’re safe to be around. Where the story gets interesting is the workplace safety issues that come up for slaughterhouse workers, where stuff sprays around an awful lot, and hey, Daily Mail, since you went to the trouble of finding out that 170 people have died from mad cow disease since 1996, would it kill you, not literally because you inhaled a big whiff of brain, but would it kill you figuratively, to share if any of these people worked in slaughterhouses?
Anyway, until more research is done, and you can be sure someone’s going to do it, you should hold off on throwing your prions in the air like you just don’t care. The life you save could be, well, mine.
{ 7 comments }
So I saw this article over on the Montreal Gazette. I have no idea how I got there, but it seems to me I’ve linked a few of their stories lately, which seems odd and is probably the work of a rescued llama that was given opposable thumbs and mutant powers and what was I just talking about? Oh, the article.
Chicken Nuggets, as made by McDonald’s, are apparently made out of chicken. There are various stories going around, including the strawberry milkshake picture, and I guess something about them being 56% corn somehow, and also that they contain Silly Putty, and other levels of ludicrosity. Anyway, some guy from The Office of Science and Society, and I’m gonna trust him because that sounds like a cool gig, this guy says it’s pretty much just breaded chicken.
And you know what? I’m cool with that even if the guy turns out to be a one man think tank for fast food. Not the chicken part, obviously, but I really don’t need to be scaremongering when it comes to talking about what’s wrong with nuggets. Here’s the thing: you start trying to tell people about the horrible stuff that’s in something that’s been around as long as nuggets, and it’s not like cigarettes – people are going to think hey, I’ve eaten them all my life and I’m not dead, so maybe the scary stuff isn’t so scary, and maybe there’s even more processed animal food out there that I should embrace. It kinda helps that the things are somewhat tasty, or at least I’d assume so since people keep eating them.
But if everything tastes like chicken, why do we need chicken? There’s a store 4 minutes away from my office that sells a vegan version of the chicken nugget that as far as I can tell is bang-on accurate. Oh, and in between my office and that store is a store that sells booze, so yeah, I’m pretty much the mayor of awesometown. Anyway, there’s really no need, as far as I can tell, for chicken nuggets to exist other than to serve as a waste product disposal technique turned profit centre for the poultry industry.
You want to know what’s scary inside chicken nuggets? Ground up birds, that’s what. Not much else you need to know, really, so instead of getting a degree in chemistry and still getting the components wrong, how’s about we work on changing that urban legend about KFC changing their name to just initials because they don’t sell actual chicken anymore into a delightful plant-based reality?
Oh, and because I said I was going to focus on stuff people submit, here’s a video Amanda sent in that fits the theme. The ramble up above was just something I made up to pad out the post. Er, if you’re prone to seizures, well, you probably already know not to click on random video links, right?
{ 11 comments }
Angela sent me this:
He's more machine than turtle now...
Veterinarians also built a fibreglass beak for a goose. In both cases, the animals would have been killed otherwise, since they really couldn’t survive with their injuries. And yes, part of me is all happy and glad and oooh, isn’t that cool, but the other part of me, the part that says hey, Jason, you don’t eat animals, I get it, it’s cool, but don’t think that means they’re not all out to get you, that part of me is saying,
Science, what are you thinking?
Bionic animals start out as a nifty idea for licensing a cartoon or something, but there’s going to come a time where we inadvertently invent opposable thumbs for species who previously didn’t have them. Yay, thumbs for everyone, but wait, did I say thumbs because I meant NUCLEAR BOMBS because that’s what species with opposable thumbs build. I have proof. The proof is us.
Oh, and that turtle? Run over by a lawnmover. No, not since the picture was taken – that was the source of the injury that brought about the turtle wagon. No, not that turtle wagon. Anyway, what’s to stop some vet with a sense of irony from attaching rotating blades to the turtle’s undercarriage? You know what? From that picture, we can’t even tell if that’s already happened.
Obviously, I love animals. I also love my child, but I’m not giving him a rifle. Oh, he’d be fine – he’s not long enough to reach the trigger and the barrel. Mom and dad would learn a lesson pretty quick though. It’s exactly the same with animal prosthetics. Look, I know how it works on a slow news day – CNN is going to pick this story up, because they love porn as much as anyone, and it’s going to dominate the news cycle: are bionic animals taking over America? Well, yes.
I therefore call upon some lawmaking person to introduce a bill requiring strict limiting and monitoring of the cyborg animal community. We can’t stop it, but we can, maybe, control it. And just to be safe, let’s not make the animals any madder than they already are – the bill’s going to need a veganism clause in there.
And there you go. I’m the only one in the animal activism community who’s able to make a turtle with wheels the solution to mass vegan adoption. YOU’RE WELCOME.
{ 14 comments }
Sir Fartsalot sent me a link that pretty much told me he thought I was very attractive, so I guess we’ve got one of those bromances going on, except for the fact that we’re both far too old. My theory? He noticed the sharp decrease in post quantity here at VP this year and wanted to inspire me with a little incidental flattery.
As I have said many times in the past, ANYWAY.
It turns out that not only do plant-based foods tend to change your skin tone, which wasn’t in dispute, but recent research is suggesting that this skin tone is something we as humans find naturally very attractive. Science was involved, but basically the nice warm glow you get from regular consumption of foods rich in carotenoids (think carrots, kale, bell peppers, etc) was actually preferred to a suntan by test subjects.
Let’s think about this from a long term evolutionary perspective: if we prefer people with veggie-rich skin, there’s got to be a biological reason, because everything we do is ultimately tied to the propagation of the species. This means that our ancestors were genetically coded to seek out and have copious amounts of sex with people who ate vegetables. Suck it, hunters, the gatherers rule! Well, don’t suck it for real, because as we’ve just discussed, science says that’s not for you anymore.
Now, suddenly, this all makes sense (erm, the content is probably safe for work if you’ve got headphones and don’t giggle too loudly to draw attention to yourself):
Also: a huge thank you to everyone who’s sent in links – time is really tight right now, and if you send stuff I can’t guarantee I’ll be able to use it, but it vastly increases the odds that a post will appear, since taking the time to actually go out and find stuff is proving to be a real challenge right now and for the foreseeable future, so thanks again!
{ 3 comments }
Angela knows how much I love salad (my salad bowl is rather hefty, I must say) so that’s probably why she sent me the collection of women laughing alone with salad.
If I wasn’t incredibly lazy and/or busy I’d make this into a screensaver. (That’s right, lazy and/or busy. Not confused by technology. I totally know how to do that stuff. I will screensave your face if you don’t lay off, mister.) This would actually be a pretty effective productivity helper, I reckon: you get hungry enough that you stop pressing keys on the keyboard, screensave recognizes that you’re hungry, starts showing you pictures of women and salad, and you get inspired. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if this becomes mandatory in some countries. Government weirdo, YOU’RE WELCOME.
Anyway, all things considered, y’all got off pretty easy for a site like Vegan Porn picking some link of themed stock photography. You don’t even want to think about the collections I could have gone with, and you certainly don’t want to consider the screensavers the unthinkable collections could have made. Of course, if you did, you’d eventually be taken out of shock by the salad screensaver you just set up, so it’s OK.
Update: (yes, this update was added before the post even went live. We’re living in the future, please try to keep up): Men laughing alone with fruit salad.
{ 5 comments }
Colleen sent in a follow up to the saga of Gerald Marois, the hunter who was attacked by a black bear back in May. “Forgive and forget” isn’t really a part of his vocabulary, and when it comes to that bear he’s decided that he “can’t just let him win,” though he also says it’s not a vengeance thing. Because, you know, painkiller medication is awesome.
Speaking of painkillers, he’s on both codeine and oxycontin, though he’s trying to get off them, but he’s also gone hunting a few times since the accident, so I’d assume that he’s been hunting while medicated. I’m not trying to paint painkillers as anything other than therapeutic aids here, but something about men with guns wandering around the woods with potential drug-related side effects including euphoria, memory loss, fatigue, dizziness, nausea, lightheadedness, and anxiety. And don’t even get me started about dry mouth. Dry mouth and guns are a cr-aaaazay combination, yo.
Anyway, he’s going back into the woods to find that bear, which the government has been chasing since May with no luck, but it’s not about vengeance, and yeah, I’m thinking about the same [NSFW] bear hunting joke that you’re probably recalling too. Just sayin’.
So here’s the same bear pic I posted last time. I tracked that bear with a few tons of fine automobile and used precision cameralogical technology, so I was pretty much like Iron Man in this situation, and it was still kinda scary:
{ 2 comments }
Amanda sent this one in with the disclaimer that she’s “not sure how it can be tied to veganism.” Are you kidding me? Check this magic out:
I don’t know if it’s vegan to use the phrase “infinite monkeys” but according to that theory, if you had a whole bunch of monkeys and typewriters, this very blog post would appear amidst the output. I don’t know how that theory foretold a post about blowing a turkey call, but that’s why some people get the big bucks.
Anyway, there are, according to my careful research, a nigh-infinite number of reasons why people go vegan. For someone out there, this is it. In fact, if you’re not currently vegan, and you just stumbled across this site while, uh, researching important topics that affect humanity, I urge you to not only become vegan, but make it so this video is the reason. Your parents will be so pleased!
{ 0 comments }
Amanda sent me a link to Epic Meal Time a while back, and I couldn’t find a use for it right away – I mean, it’s basically the culinary equivalent of dudes shooting fireworks out of their butts, but by itself it was just another example of, well, dudes shooting fireworks out of their butts, but with food, like I just said. Pay attention, will you?
Colleen was the one who filled in the missing piece to the puzzle: I need to link to Epic Meal Time to provide context for the vegan version, which makes a lot more sense once you know what it’s trying to do:
I kinda want to cover things in seaweed now. Maybe not whole chunks of ginger, but, you know, the couch, maybe.
That video was a little over the top, but the principles were sound, and if you want to make a tofu turkey for the holidays Angela shot a video about our family’s traditional roast that you might find handy.
And with that, we’re closing the doors on 2010 unless something really crazy happens. It’s been a long and interesting year, and I’m glad to be blogging again, but it’s time for a quick break and I’ll see you in January. Thanks for all the great feedback, comments, and story suggestions, and happy whatever it is that you celebrate around these times!
{ 1 comment }
You are SO under surveillance. Like, right now. Don't steal my internets.
Oh, psychology, you misunderstood science, you. Don’t get me wrong, I love you, especially when tied to business, but sometimes, oooh, sometimes you make me wonder. But there’s been a study, and they used experiments, and so it must be true: vegans are more likely to be lying thieving bastards.
The bastards part isn’t proven, and this actually isn’t about veganism specifically, but a recent study claims that people who buy eco-friendly products are more likely to cheat at other things [PDF link to study.] On the other hand, these same people are more likely to be seen as fine upstanding citizens, which means people buying green are all psychopaths in the making that the neighbours will never suspect.
OK, I’m exaggerating a little. I do that. It’s my way. And I’m allowed because I took public transit this week. Here’s the deal: subjects were told to buy either some normal products or some green-friendly products in a fake online store, and then they did a test that secretly determined how honest they were. The people who bought the eco stuff lied and cheated more than the people who didn’t. The researchers are theorizing that this is some kind of licensing effect, where by being virtuous in one area we subconsciously allow ourselves to be a teeny bit evil in some area.
Vegans do a lot of work to help animals and the environment, so I’m guessing the IRS-equivalents in your countries will be asking people to self-identify as vegan in the next tax return, and you’ll all proudly tick the box, happy to finally get the recognition you deserve, but surprise! The box is actually a “please audit me because I cheated on these taxes look my name isn’t even Benedict Manfrengensen” box! That’s what happens when science gets out, y’all.
OK, it’s probably nothing, but it’s a little weird, and if I get caught doing anything remotely dishonest for the next little while I’m going to use veganism as my defence. Possibly in court. But, you know, only if I’m caught.
{ 4 comments }
