Testicular implants!

Most animal rights organizations seem to be in favour of neutering and spaying companion animals to control the pet population. However, many people apparently are reluctant to neuter an animal because it involves the permanent removal of the testicles. A US Company has identified a need and developed Neuticles, “testicular implants for pets“. They’re fake balls. They get implanted during the neutering operation, and their web site claims that tens of thousands of pets are scampering around with matching Neuticles. I’d normally file this under animal rights, but this web site is too funny. First of all, neuticles are available in three styles: the original rigid ball, a natural ball which matches the firmness of an actual testicle, and the “Ultra”, which is “marshmallow soft“. What kind of person buys marshmallow soft testicles for their pet? What kind of dinner parties do they have? “Hey Frank, check it out – squeeze this!” And that’s just the weird part for the animals – they have a store where you can buy your very own Neuticles t-shirt that says “Neuticles – Looking and Feeling the Same“. You’ll be the talk of the town! But that’s not all! You can buy a fake animal testicle necklace! My Christmas list is growing… (Semi-related aside: I need to point out that the product descriptions use the word “sturdy” quite a bit, for reasons that will be lost to history.)