selfmadegirl sent in a breakdown of the ingredients in Cool Whip – apparently you’ll find similar ingredients in hemorrhoid cream (sorbitan monostearate) and condom lube (polysorbate 60). These stories are fun to read, because people are usually a bit curious about the weird ingredients that they can’t find in aisle 6 of the grocery store, but you’ll never see wording like “sodium caseinate is derived from food that’s normally reserved for a calf, except the calf has been separated from his mother and is being raised for veal.” We never see an ingredients analysis of, say, a hambuger, that says “ground beef is made by taking the flesh of slaughtered cows and mixing it together, so a hundred different animals’ remains could potentially be found in a single burger.” There are things we pretend we want to know, like how condom lube makes for a popular dessert treat, and there are things that are just better left unsaid for the majority of the population.
When I was a kid they told me that knowing was half the battle. Now that I’m older I hear that it’s all about admitting you have a problem. The one constant factor is that whole “taking action” step, which must be a bit of a doozy if people can’t break their condom lube habit, let alone a craving for pig innards.
