So I have this friend. He sometimes reads this site, so I want to be clear that his isn’t a passive aggressive note, but he’s integral to the story.
This past Christmas I got him this poop calendar
…and about a month later we got together and he’d saved all the pages for me. In the age of the internet, there are all kinds of poop journalling techniques that I could have been handed, so I’m grateful that it was just this. And I learned a few things. Like this:
I know it’s fuzzy, so here’s the quote: “Eating meat makes your poop smell worse than it would if you maintained a vegetarian diet. Meat protein is rich in sulfides, so its consumption results in smellier farts and poop.”
Isn’t it amazing how page a day calendars make everything seem so much more authoritative? Anyway, I hereby submit to the vegan dictionary the following: when encountering a strong odour from omnivore poop or farts, we shall call it a “Jan Seven.”
* yeah, that’s an affiliate link, which means I get a cut if you buy a rapidly obsoleting calendar, but that link’s not there because it’s good business. I just think it’ll make for fun conversations with my tax people, is all.
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This post is full of win.
pew
Are you telling me that my farts stink??? Thanks… By the way best calendar ever…
Dude, people three towns away, even the ones who don’t have noses because they lost them in ‘Nam, are telling you your farts stink. Even over the internet. My server is in Texas and tech support is telling me it started smelling funny right around the time you left that comment.
God help your child if she inherited that particular genetic quirk from you. Actually, help us, because then we won’t know who to blame if she tries to pretend it wasn’t her, which would actually be possible to pull off if there are two people in the world with your unique talent. But at the moment there’s just you, which makes it funnier when you try hide it, but we love you for it just the same.
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