The fart references may never stop

OK, I mentioned this in yesterday’s porncast and I know it’s just a matter of time before I either receive a phone call from Sir Fartsalot asking why I haven’t posted these yet, or I’ll just get 40 emails with additional calendar scans.  Or both.  Probably both.

Rest assured, our researchers at Thrust Labs are working vigorously to verify and/or counter any and all claims contained in this post, and part of me is wondering if I missed an opportunity to add fart jokes to the latest Eazy Vegan video about pressure cookers.

First of all, it appears, under the authority of a page a day calendar, anyway, that vegans are more prone to releasing hydrogen and methane into the atmosphere:

Now, just in case you have any omnivore friends with this calendar who have taken to blaming you for global warming, let’s consider the fact that according to one recent study, the average grass-fed cow will “emit” 800 to 1000 litres of gasses, including methane, per day.  That was enough to account for 30 percent of Argentina’s greenhouse gas production.

I’m only slightly ashamed to admit I just spent 30 minutes researching how much methane could fit into a standard party balloon to figure out how many balloons you’d have to fill (with your butt!) every hour to match a cow’s output.  Sadly, I couldn’t find anything conclusive, though I came close to engaging the services of the reference desk of the library I’m typing this in – I happen to like this particular library though, so I refrained in an effort to not be labelled “the fart guy.”  For as long as that lasts, anyway.

Now, there’s the matter of February 19:

If we were still in the business of making vegan t-shirts, you could bet that the rest of my day would be spent trying to figure out how best to represent a sphincter in a graphically pleasing way.  Instead, I find myself wondering the same damned question yet again: forget larger and bulkier, how about simple frequency?  Just how many times a week do omnivores poop?  I’d speculate, but this seems to be a job for the BatPoop Network.  (They probably have a signal that you can shine into the sky, but I’ll leave it to your imagination.)

Anyway, this concludes the calendar stuff, for this week, anyway.

Tagged as: calendar, fart, fart jokes, farts, flatulence, flatulence humor, global warming, medical education, methane