In the wake of this week’s killer whale: human killer incident, Angela sent me a list of 15 animals who are cute, but terribly deadly. Normally morning emails from Angela have hints embedded in them, like “man who forgot to put away dishes impaled by samurai sword,” so on our next trip to the cassowary sanctuary I’ll refrain from hand-feeding them Froot Loops.
Yes, the cassowary. Many of the animals on the list are on the lines of “Bears! Did you know they are deadly? Internet list go web!” but the cassowary reminds me of that prolapse monster from Star Trek. It’s the one on the list where “deadly” wasn’t a stretch but “cute” likely required a cage match with the editor:
Photo by Bjørn Christian Tørrissen under the Wikimedia Commons. I don't know if he survived.
Seriously, download the full sized image and make it your desktop. You will work harder.
So here’s the interesting thing: most of the animals on the list aren’t widely considered food. Let’s face it; forks aren’t particularly sharp and deep down, most omnivores are scared that their meal will arrive underdone and leap off the plate and burrow, well, probably deeply into the groinal region.
We can use this.
Everybody says Diet For a New America turned them vegan, but this is the book that deserves the real credit.
I think we’re doing it all wrong. Activist speeches go on and on about experiences being near farm animals and the strong emotions the connection evoked, and we encourage people to visit sanctuaries, but I suspect fear is a stronger motivator. We need to make sanctuaries even harder to get into than a factory farm. For your protection. Cows will kill you as soon as look at you. Do NOT make them angry. By, you know, killing their parents.
Batman references will continue until morale improves. Also, Batman’s secret identity? Bruce Wayne. Bruce Wayne’s secret identity? A DEADLY COW.
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Back in uni, I had to read the diary of William Wordsworth’s crazy sister Dorothy. She spent the majority of time pretending to be William’s wife and taking 20 mile detours to avoid cows, the latter of which terrified her. Maybe she wasn’t entirely crazy after all?
OK, Wordsworth terrifies me more than cows. But in theory, I have more to fear from a zombie Wordsworth than a cow.
I have only two words for you, Jason: NUNNA NUNNA
pew
The cows are mad as hell, and they’re not gonna take it anymore!
Hey, just a quick note to verify that I actually did survive the cassowary encounter. I’m a good runner.
Nice blog, but a bit slow lately, eh?
Happy trails,
Bjørn