The art of killing your customers

You know what we haven’t done lately?  On a Wednesday? When conditions are perfect? And you’re wearing that shirt you got from that work event?

Ohhhhh yeahhhh….

It’s Business Time.

A peculiar battle has broken out between fast food restaurants in the United States.  It seems like there’s some disagreement over who gets the right to kill off their customer base.  No kidding: there are at least two restaurants (and one has two locations) that bill themselves as the unhealthiest restaurants in the world.

In Florida and Arizona, we have the Heart Attack Grill (warning: website has really bad music,) and also in Florida we have the Heart Stoppers Sports Grill, whose website claims to have clogged arteries.  They have a lot of similarities, so many, in fact, that there’s a lawsuit in progress over who’s allowed to offer deals like this:

I’m not 100% sure on this, but I think this is the basis for  bad science fiction slash dark comedy story about the Earth stepping up and employing Dark Agents to get rid of the troublemakers.  We can survive earthquakes, tidal waves, and other natural disasters, but this?  Not so much.  I have no trouble believing that there are people who will model Homer Simpson and gain a few more pounds so they can eat for free.

But let’s twist this around a bit.  What if someone opened a vegan restaurant with the opposite policy?  I don’t know if we want to promote the “vegans are skinny and have eating disorders” myth by doing a free meal for people with a BMI under (some low number,) but it would turn a reward mechanism in the right direction and probably help more than it hurts.  How about some other metric like blood pressure or the easier to measure resting heart rate?

Of course, that’s advanced business stuff there.  For the basics, what if we, oh, I don’t know, just stopped trying to kill the clientele?

Tagged as: Arizona, clogged arteries, Florida, heart attack grill, homer simpson