One of the things you don’t like to see shortly after having a new baby is a bunch of police cars and police tape in your neighbourhood, especially when you find out it’s because there are some “suspicious packages” lying around and the bomb squad is on the way. But that’s what happened last week in these here parts, and I was a little pissed, but at least it turned out to be empty boxes.
You know what would have made me more than a little pissed? If all that drama was due to a 5 gallon vat of mayonnaise, because that’s what went down in a Florida neighbourhood this week. A couple complained about burning eyes and having trouble breathing following a home inspection, which led to suspicions about a barrel in the basement. Which led to the HAZMAT team arriving, roads closing, homes evacuating, dogs and cats living together…
…and so on, right up until they found out that the barrel contained the aforementioned 5 gallon vat of mayonnaise.
I’m sure there’s a “how do you tell the difference between mayonnaise and a meth lab” joke in there somewhere, but I still have baby-induced fuzzy head. What I do know is that if you ask 100 people what mayonnaise is made of, about 95 or so won’t be able to answer (it’s egg and oil, basically.) Mind you, I can’t tell you what’s in Vegenaise either, but I don’t have to worry about stray vats being left for HAZMAT teams because the only place that stuff goes is in my belly, preferably in the form of chick pea salad sammiches.
