by Jason on September 15, 2006
Warren Ellis isn’t vegan, but his site is a great source for porn. Take, for example, a recent house fire in Michigan. Have you heard of the dangers of deep frying turkeys too close to a house? What do you suppose happens when someone tries to roast a bear in his garage? “It is not known exactly why Joe Gorzynski had decided to roast the bear. But doing so cost him his garage, his oven, his fishing equipment, his tools and a collection of animal heads mounted on the wall.” The fire burned so hot that it melted his neighbour’s siding. Link.
by Jason on August 28, 2006
darrek notes that four diners have come down with lung infections after eating undercooked crabs. To be fair, when crabs are properly cooked they’re probably perfectly healthy, or at least as healthy as a bottom-dwelling underwater creature can be. Of course, if you’re a member of a “Fear Factor” like club who gets his kicks from reaching over the sushi bar and eating whatever you grab even if it’s still alive, well, sometimes lung fluke infections are spelled k-a-r-m-a. Link.
by Jason on August 25, 2006
As Dave Noisy reports, there’s a llama on the lloose in a Vancouver suburb. Nobody’s been able to catch the llama yet, but authorities are concerned by a risk of a car accident and are on the llookout. Despite being on the llam for a week or so and making the news, nobody’s stepped up to claim the animal as of yet, which leaves one word to describe the supposed owner: lloser. Llink.
by Jason on August 3, 2006
Here’s one from the back of the queue: as Dagda Samildanc notes, pork chops can be expensive, at least when a cooking mishap causes $25,000 in damages to your mobile home. We rarely see stories of plant-based food prep mayhem, and although that’s partly because most Americans don’t really eat a lot of fruits and vegetables (at least compared to animals), I’d like to think that my diet’s a little bit safer both inside and outside of my body. Of course, in the past I’d I offset those safety benefits by drinking copious amounts of alcohol and these days by doing stupid kitchen tricks like sticking utensils into running appliances, so it’s not like I think I’m superior, just a different kind of dangerous, is all. Anyway, back to the story, it says that the trouble started when Tommy Ellison put the pork chops on the stove and then “stepped out for a spell.” Remember kids, cooking and sorcery rarely blend well. Link.
by Jason on July 25, 2006
Steve_L sends word of a fishing misadventure in Bermuda. During a fishing competition there, Ian Card was speared in the chest by a marlin and knocked into the ocean. Ian’s in stable condition, and there’s no word on the marlin, who apparently got away. Now, in most cases I get to mock fishermen for their belief that their “sport” is a fair battle between man and fish, but at first glance, a big honking spear that fits into chest cavities would appear to be a handy asset for the match. Unfortunately, these guys have no idea what fish are about. See, the marlin wasn’t defending herself, but rather, “the fish all of a sudden changed direction and jumped. The fish made a leap and Ian just happened to be in the way.” And thus fishing is officially reduced to a game of “I’m just going to drag this hook through the water, and if you get caught on it, it’s your own fault.”
Link.
by Jason on July 21, 2006
Keeping a python as a pet isn’t my idea of a good time, but I guess it’s the kind of thing that floats boats for some. While there’s some debate over whether or not certain companion animals can thrive as herbivores, I’d guess that big snakes that swallow their prey whole probably aren’t in the debate. That said, in case it wasn’t obvious, an electric blanket makes a poor vegan substitute for an animal-based meal. As Dave Noisy reports, that was the discovery this week when a python spent about 6 hours swallowing an (unplugged) electric blanket, and surgeons spent 2 hours removing it. The blanket wasn’t fed intentionally, but was probably tangled up in the python’s meal. Hey, does anyone remember that old Dom DeLouise joke? You know, “last night I dreamt I was eating this huge marshmallow. When I woke up, my pillow was gone.” Good times… Oh, the python is going to be fine. Link.
by Jason on July 19, 2006
kunsjoi sent in the outline for the next episode of CSI:VP. A burglar who stole a macaw from a pet shop got more than he bargained for when the bird fought back and left enough blood at the scene for police to get a DNA match and bring in a suspect. We’re still waiting for a happy ending though – Micky the macaw is still missing. Link.
by Jason on June 15, 2006
When I first saw the headline that abbienorml sent in, “Escaped Bull Startles Maine Neighbourhood,” I thought “hey, you know what’d really startle the neighbourhood? Moving the slaughterhouse into the grocery store next to the butcher section,” but it turns out this wasn’t a story about a slaughterhouse escape – “Dirty Rider” managed to run away from a rodeo. Sure, he was caught within 15 minutes and is back at “work,” but you’ve got to give credit to a bull for escaping an area filled with professional cattle ropers in the first place. Link.
kunsjoi sends word of a hamster’s incredible journey through an industrial shredder. Mike the hamster also passed through a rotating drum and vibrating grids, and came out of it with only a sore foot. I can’t tie this directly to anything, but I needed to write about something happy, so there you go. Link.
A Daniel wannabe entered a Kiev zoo on Sunday evening, lowered himself into the lions’ den, took off his shoes, and walked up to the lions, shouting “God will save me, if he exists.” While the jury’s still out on God (or at least a God who steps in when challenged), the guy got to find out what happens in the afterlife – a lioness went straight for him and took out his carotid artery. Link.
