Humour

Ange sent this one along – the only cartoon to ever be nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize is about a bunch of animals retelling the story about how mankind became extinct. Apparently, it came down to a knock down drag out war between the meat eaters and the vegetarians. That’s right, anti-AR propaganda was happening even back in 1939! Link.

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frank language sent in a warning for vegans who enjoy a nice pre-flight hummous: lighting a match to hide the smell of the, uh, bean by-product is not recommended while on an airplane. That’s the lesson learned by a Texas woman who was flying American Airlines recently. It’s not known if she’s vegan or not, but is has been determined that the smell of burnt matches on an airplane tends to worry people a bit, to the point that the plane made an emergency landing, evacuated the plane, and called in the bomb squad. Once discovered, the woman got off pretty easy – she won’t be charged and wasn’t even named in the story for the Google to secure her place in history, although she has been banned from future American Airlines flights. The movie rights for “Farts on a Plane” are likely still up for grabs. Link.

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sheepguy42 writes, “my girlfriend sent me this link, telling me how funny it was. I didn’t get the joke until she pointed to this quote at the end of the description: ‘Adults take note: Pony comes unassembled in box with head detatched. You may wish to not open the box around your children if they may be frightened by a box with a decapitated horse inside.’ I wonder how these children feel with a decapitated bird on their table at holiday dinners.” I think there’s a sticker in the making here… Link.

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rosemary sent in a page from The Onion that really nails it: Frito-Lay Angrily Introduces Line of Healthy Snacks. Yes, angrily, as in “Here… Here’s some sh*t that’s made from beets. I hope you’re all happy now that you have your precious beet chips with the recommended daily serving of fruit, or vegetables, or whatever the hell a ‘beet’ is.” Put down your soy milk before you read it. Link.

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We’ve posted several “sexy vegetable,” “produce porn,” and “carrots with wangs” picture links in the past, but Nessie‘s latest submission has made us realize that in our attempts at juvenile humour, we’ve been objectifying these fruits and vegetables and may have slighted the less atractive crops. Here, then, are the winners of the ugly vegetable contest: Link.

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I may have posted this one already, or something similar to it, but that’s OK. I feel bad about missing my posting window yesterday, and I need to be happy. The idea of super powered cows with rocket feet and soundtracks that make me wish I was four again is a key component to my happiness. It may also work for you: Link.

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Dave Noisy reports that meat is fast becoming America’s favourite condiment: “McDonald’s discovered years ago that people aren’t really looking for some kind of spicy sauce to top their sandwiches… Quite frankly, what they really want to pile on their hamburger patty is another hamburger patty.” As with most things The Onion nails, there’s more than a little bit of truth to this… Link.

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Sorry I didn’t do any stories today; I’ve been busy thinking about testicles, which in Aztec are called ahuacate. Ange keeps my ahuacate in a bowl on the kitchen counter. I just wish mine were bigger. And softer. None of this is news to any of you, but this might help clarify things: Link.

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I just found the ultimate guide to making fruit salad under pressure. What kind of pressure? The “is this salad going to get me laid” kind of pressure. “Wash the grapes and pick them off their stems one by one. Be sure to get the stems off completely as you pick them. For each grape, you have a split-second decision to make: keep or reject? By a startling coincidence, this is exactly the amount of time your sweetheart spent deciding on you.” Link.

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