Law

I’m a pretty pro-accessibility guy, but I just snorted tea through my nose when I read darrek’s latest submission. Drinks down? OK. A lawmaker in Texas is trying to make it easier for legally blind people to go hunting. If the bill passes, visually impaired people will be allowed to use laser sights to assist in aiming, and they would be accompanied by a sighted guide who could whisper things like “two inches to the left, a bit higher, no wait, that’s grandma.” It seems like every time I read something about “one shot, one kill” and other “responsible hunting” rhetoric, I stumble across some pro-hunting genius like this guy who shows absolutely no concern whatsoever for the welfare of the animals that’ll be maimed with all the bad shots he’s about to allow. As bill sponsor and no doubt mighty warrior Rep. Edmund Kuempel says, “This opens up the fun of hunting to additional people, and I think that’s great.” I can only hope that this is a sign of desparation from a rapdily declining hunter population, and we won’t have to deal with any of this in another generation or two. Link.

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A Minnesota man might be getting off (in the legal sense) after having had sex with a deer. According to the defense, the “animal” had become “venison” by the time the assault took place, as Bryan James Hathaway found the deer’s corpse at the side of the road. According to the public defender, the bestiality law was intended to protect animals, and since the deer was already dead, no real harm was done. The potential future adventures of a man who gets turned on by roadkill are left as an exercise for your nightmares. This is actually an interesting case, if you’re someone with no legal training who likes to speculate. In most regions, animals are considered property under the law, and thus have about as many rights as a coffee table (you may, however, have sex with your coffee table, but please, watch out for splinters), but depending on how this decision goes down (it’s apparently the first time the issue’s come up), the status of meat might be subject to some interesting interpretations in the future. Link.

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The American legal system has once again proven its worth by stepping in to answer another of life’s Big Questions: is a burrito a sandwich? The answer, assuming there’s no appeal, is no. Now, is a samosa a pie? If you chop the beans up, at what point does chickpea salad become hummous? Is there a food product that people won’t find more appealing with the addition of sugar? Let’s flood the courts – post your food classification question (or an attempt at an answer) in the comments. Link.

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In “poor man’s Digg” style, there’s been a call to move something to the front page. While we don’t have that capability at the moment, there’s always the digital equivalent of the telephone game, wherein I can repeat the information and then add the word “poop” to the end. beforewisdom reports that Tammy Grimes of Pennsylvania has been arrested for “stealing” a dog who was clearly in need of veterinary care and then refusing to return the dog to his “owner.” Grimes faces charges of theft, receiving stolen property, criminal mischief, and criminal trespass, and the Pennsylvania legal system faces a slap upside the head for their handling of the matter, if the situation is as presented. Link to Grimes’ story with videos, contact info for support, etc., Link to original post, comments there please. Poop.

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heartshapedbox notes that Massachusetts Senator Jarrett Barrios is finally doing something about fluffers in schools, after his 3rd grade son was offered one in the cafeteria. The practice has been around since the 1920s (ironically it was invented in the Senator’s home district), but I’m not sure how long it’s been available at King Open School in Cambridge. In any event, the Senator will be working to ensure that fluffers have no place in anyone’s idea of a nutritious lunch. Lunch? Yeah, I’m talking about those marshmallow fluff sandwiches. Some people call them fluffernutters. What did you think I was talking about? Link.

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For more than five years, I’ve been writing about the many many (many) serious and not-so-serious reasons to adopt a plant based diet, and yet the majority of the world continues to eat animals. From time to time I wondered why that was, but it wasn’t made clear to me until I got a note from Dagda Samildanc that explained the one thing dead animals can do that plants can’t: they can get your car classified as a hearse, which lowers the vehicle registration fee by $200. That’s the way of the world in New Zealand, where a woman recently tried it out, claiming her car was a non-commercial hearse because she carried dead chickens home from the supermarket. And it worked. So there’s a fun game for you this weekend: as traffic goes by, speculate how many hearses are on the road. Remember, it’s not just vegan hyperbole, it’s a matter of NZ law. Link.

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PonderingWillow notes that California lawmakers are looking at a bill that would direct the state’s Office of Emergency Services to add animals into its evacuation plans in the event of a disaster. Now, in addition to the animals who, say, might not drown in a flood, the other prime beneficiary of the law would be factor farmers – from all indications, the bill is directed at commercial animals more than dogs and cats and lemurs. Critics of the plan say that farmers should take out insurance policies instead of relying on taxpayer dollars, and I can’t believe I’m siding with factory farmers over government, but I’ve always said that if you’re going to own animals, you have to take responsibility for them through good times and bad, and lobbying the government is a part of that, I guess. In the meantime, this bill might draw some small degree of attention to the fact that California has 1.7 million dairy cows, which carry a cost far beyond the price per head paid by the farmer. Link.

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Steve_L sends news of the US government’s latest efforts to protect consumers from themselves, also known as protecting fisheries from health advocacy groups. A California law requiring tuna companies to place mercury warning labels on their cans has been overturned. What’s more, the decision appears to have been made in part due to new legislation passed in March which would prevent states from requiring food warnings that go beyond federal law. There are already a number of stupid labeling regulations on the books, like the one that prevents milk from being marked as growth-hormone free (because there’s officially no difference, and it makes the Monsanto-produced milk look inferior), and if this law goes ahead (39 attorneys general have come out against the bill), I’m sure we can expect many more, with states powerless to oppose them. Link.

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As kunsjoi reports, Italy continues to, as they say over there, rock the animal rights hizzouse. It wasn’t enough to ban goldfish bowls in Rome, or to enforce three times per day dog walking in Turin, now Vicenza has fined a restaurant for displaying live lobsters on ice to attract customers. The restaurant owners are, of course, shocked and plan to appeal, because how could anyone consider a lobster to be the same as a dog or a cat, right? How long do you think it’ll take for people to realize the being boiled alive kinda sucks too? Link.

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