Chief Tester, aka Sir Fartsalot, sent in some news that the Dutch may have come to their senses at last, as demonstrated by their recent ban of human-animal pornography.  Prior to this month, this kind of stuff was legal as long as it could be proven that the animal wasn’t harmed, which is pretty ridiculous both from a subjective and elapsed time standpoint.

This won’t be the end of stuff like this, but it’ll certainly strike a dent – estimates peg The Netherlands as the distribution hub for around 80% of bestiality videos worldwide.  By their nature, fetishes are one of the hardest things to veganize (and generally it just leads to new fetishes,) so legislation plays an important role here.

Here’s the thing that’s got me thinking tonight though – we live in a world where atrocities are committed against animals every second in the name of an entertaining meal, so I don’t see too much attention getting paid to bestiality, but what if it was given the same negative social weight as child pornography?  Would computer-generated or other forms of simulated bestiality be banned?  And if any attention at all were generated, would it impact society’s food choices at all?

We haven’t done one of these in a while, so here’s one courtesy of my sister: actual vegan porn. Link.

This next story from kunsjoi is relevant because it involves an onion and pornography, and we need a break from the depressing animal stuff: shoppers at a Cheshire store were treated to some interesting instructional footage when a demonstration video showing off an onion chopper switched to hardcore porn midway through the tape. While we like to debate over whether or not nudity helps get AR messages across, we at least now know that it doesn’t help sell onion choppers. Link.

A man has been arrested in connection with the theft of a walrus penis. No, not off of a live walrus, this was from some cafe. Jeremy Padie, 21, of Houston also gave a false name to police when he was stopped, but it doesn’t matter, really – he’s going to be walrus penis boy for the rest of his life. In related penis news, Dagda Samildanc sent in a bonerbonus penis story, which is no surprise, really, because it is Dagda Samildanc weekend and everything, where all stories are from DS: Iceland has a Phallological Museum, where “it is finally possible for individuals to undertake serious study into the field of phallology in an organized, scientific fashion.” The museum specializes in mammal penises, which means no cock of the cock, sorry. Oh, check out their URL: phallus.is. Link to the crime story, link to the museum.

Scientists continue to be concerned about the looming extinction of the panda, and it seems that the biggest problem anyone’s willing to look at is their seeming unwillingness to breed. It’s possible that they’re just exhibitionists, so as Dagda Samildanc notes, the latest plan is to monitor their sexual activity by satellite. Remember kids, if you’re doing it outdoors and you’d like some privacy from a camera that’s directly above you, the best strategy is to do it standing up. They never talked about that when I was in health class…

The Toronto Vegetarian Association has a thing called the Veggie Challenge, wherein omnivore participants attempt to maintain a vegetarian diet for a week. Yeah, pretty cool, but the Vegetarian Society just 0wned TVA with their version for National Vegetarian Week: Can You Keep It Up For a Week? The campaign includes a movie, and it doesn’t even matter that the event was in May. I want someone to escalate this further, but I’m kind of scared of what might happen… (Thanks, Flux!)

As an anonymous submitter recently confirmed, there is indeed something known as hunting porn. A company called Sexy Outdoor Sports recently shot a movie where a woman shoots and kills a buffalo and then has sex next to the corpse. In their summary of the event, Adult Video News says, “AVN has always been a staunch defender of First Amendment guarantees of free expression, notably when the material involves consenting adults, but in the case of Sexy Outdoor Sports, we draw the line. Animals cannot consent.” Rock. On. AVN also ran a story detailing the revulsion of many in the porn industry, which, depending on your knowledge of porn, probably says a lot about hunting porn’s place on the ladder of decency. For their part, the video company sent in a standard rebuttal (“if you don’t like hunting, we’re just going to have to agree to disagree”), wherein we also learn that while hunting porn may be new, something called fishing porn has been around for years. (warning: all links in this post go to Adult Video News, which may or may not look worse in your workplace browsing history than Vegan Porn.)

AimeeLeigh79 sends news from the frontlines of Stupid (currently Clearfield, Pennsylvania), where they’ve come out with a 15 pound burger. If it makes you feel any better, that’s only 10.5 pounds of dead cow – the other 4.5 are dedicated to things like 25 slices of cheese and a cup and a half of mayonnaise, relish, ketchup, and mustard. Each. My only consolation is that anyone who attempts to eat one will probably be rendered impotent for a while as their body desperately tries to find a place to put all the fat and cholesterol. Now, if these people really want to get involved in hiding the evidence of cow slaughter, they should look into the world of competitive manure eating.

NonDairyCreamer reports that monkeys will pay for sexy pictures. It would appear that a prime image of female monkey bum will fetch a pretty price, and that’s without getting eBay into the picture. The study found that rhesus macaques were willing to accept less fruit juice if they could look at pictures of sexually attractive or powerful monkeys. The article already pointed out the link between this and humanity’s obsession with celebrity gossip magazines (which I hear was the third-highest priority in the lastest State of the Union address) so it’s nice to see that scientists are using animals to research something deep and meaningful for a change.

For those of you still asking “where’s the porn at?”: behold Hot noodz, courtesy of Everlasting Blort.